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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30063459">The One Where Dark Regrets His Life Choices</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/intellexual_asexual/pseuds/intellexual_asexual'>intellexual_asexual</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Heist With Markiplier (Web Series), Markiplier TV (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>and i really dont want to give you something that i made halfheartedly yknow??, guys i am so sorry /gen, im not motivated to do any of them right now, no beta we die like actor mark, take this as an apology ig, uh oh guess who didnt do requests again</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:41:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,235</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30063459</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/intellexual_asexual/pseuds/intellexual_asexual</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Ipliers go on a camping trip. For bonding purposes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>OK OK I know I said I was going to start doing requests but G o d d a m n i t my braincells are fixated on a camping trip I'm preparing for and I decided to be shamelessly self indulgent again. This might be surprising, but I'm a Girl Scout. Camping is fun if you know what you're doing! Which the Ipliers really don't!<br/>Also oops it's going to be a chapter work. Look at me go, putting my back into something that shouldn't be happening. Anyway, enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Demon Jims! Demon Jims, CJ has a great idea!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Darkiplier sighed as the Jim twins barrelled through his office door for the third time this week. Their last “great idea” had been to send a sleeping Bim Trimmer into the Cranks’ pool on an air mattress. Dark could only hope that they didn’t think of something worse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without looking up from his desk, Dark asked, “What have you two come up with now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>RJ was practically bouncing as he yelled out, “We want to go camping!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>CJ nodded, and Dark looked up to see both of the Jims grinning. While he was sure there was some sort of half-malicious intent behind this idea, Dark thought camping might be a nice bonding activity for the Ipliers. Though he didn’t know where he would be able to find that many tents…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dark narrowed his eyes. “I am neither encouraging nor objecting to this idea. ...But I have to ask, where were you two thinking of… camping?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To Dark’s immense surprise, RJ pulled out an entire notebook from thin air. He flipped to the front page and showed it to Dark. “We found so many places, Demon Jims! CJ did most of the research with Robot Jim’s help, and they narrowed it down to three places. Two of them are cabins, so we wouldn’t need to borrow tents or anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dark leaned over his desk to look over the list. These places were a bit far, and Dark did not feel like teleporting almost twenty people across the country. But unfortunately, the more RJ talked about this camping idea, the more Dark was being hooked onto it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We could do so much stuff, Demon Jims! And we could bring Bubblegum! Look, this campsite would let us kayak, and at this one we could—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright, fine.” Dark had been convinced. “If you two can handle it, I am allowing you to plan this… camping trip. To an extent. Just... pick a place and let me know which one you chose, alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>RJ and CJ looked at each other in disbelief, before smiling and thanking Dark endlessly. Dark used his aura to gently push them from the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“OK, alright, yes, you’re welcome, get out—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dark’s office door closed shut, and the Jims’ stream of “thank you”s was silenced. Dark sighed again and rubbed his hand across his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to regret that tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[linebreak]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Surprisingly, the Jims didn’t forget about choosing a camping spot. They usually abandoned their ideas quickly, having moved on to something ‘better’ or distracting. RJ had run past Dark’s office the next morning, followed by an angry Illinois Smith and CJ with his camera. CJ had winked before tossing a wad of paper inside Dark’s office, and on it was their chosen location along with a list of activities that they thought would be fun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Jims’ idea of fun was not safe or interesting for the other Ipliers, so Dark only considered a few of the things on their list. The rest of planning the trip went smoothly, and he had created an entire itinerary for the week they were camping. Dark made it a surprise trip for his siblings, and all of them took it well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though they weren’t as organized or good at time management as Dark.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yan, what’ve youse got dere?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My bag. Duh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For da whole week?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um… yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dark looked up from his checklist on the morning of their journey to see Yandereplier holding up an impossibly small drawstring bag. There was no way she was able to fit a </span>
  <em>
    <span>toothbrush</span>
  </em>
  <span> in there, let alone an entire week’s worth of supplies. Yancy, who was standing next to them, had his head in his hands, no doubt wondering to himself why he chose to help Yan of all people with packing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dark sighed and returned to his checklist. Yan would just have to learn the hard way that they needed more than a single tissue to go camping. He wished they would just admit that they completely forgot to pack until this morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dark finished double checking his bags and headed outside. He threw them in one of the vans and helped Eric Derekson put his bags in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eric closed the back of the van. “Th-Thank you, Dark.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dark walked back inside, Eric following beside him. “You’re welcome, Eric. Are you sure you don’t want to stay here with Captain Magnum?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Magnum had declined going on the trip, saying that someone needed to look after the animals in the house. Dark had agreed, and he was tempted to </span>
  <em>
    <span>make</span>
  </em>
  <span> Eric stay with him, but he seemed so excited about this that Dark couldn’t say no.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eric scoffed. “D-Dark, I’ll be… I-I’ll be f-fine. The-The worst that c-could h-happen is I… I—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“****! Look out, dudes!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bingiplier ran past them, holding two duffel bags and a pillow. Googleplier was right behind him, with two bags of his own in his right hand and a wrench in the other. Dark rolled his eyes. He hoped they didn’t kill each other on the trip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few hours later, and severely off schedule, everyone was (properly) packed and ready to leave. Dark didn’t want to drive, but he was one of the only ones that could. And he certainly didn’t trust anyone besides Google and Dr. Iplier to drive the other two vans.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dark sighed as he buckled his seatbelt, ignoring the bickering in the seats behind him. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to put Bim and Illinois in the same vehicle. “Wilford, buckle your seatbelt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked over at Wilford, who grumbled and reluctantly did as he was told. Dark started the van, and he was about to drive off when he heard a bark from somewhere in the back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone in the van instantly quieted down. The only sound that could be heard was a shuffling noise from the pile of luggage, and the quiet 'boof'ing coming from the same area.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dark adjusted the rearview mirror and saw that the top of the luggage was wiggling back and forth. Suddenly, a pink snout of a dog could be seen poking out of the large bag on top. Bubblegum’s head fully poked out of the bag, and Dark knew who’s name to shout from their cheeky grin beside him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wilford Warfstache!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>God this is going to be so fun for me to write, you guys have no idea. Also I know nobody asked, including myself, but here's a list of who's in each vehicle for the road trip:<br/>Van 1: Dark (driver), Wilford, Bim, Illinois, Annus<br/>Van 2: Dr. Iplier (driver), Host, Eric, Yancy, King<br/>Van 3: Google (driver), Bing, Yan, RJ, CJ</p><p>P.S. please help I can't think of a good title to save my life</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I want to put something here but I dont know what lmao</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Google might actually manually override his systems, right here and now. He could not handle driving across the country with his most annoying siblings. Why did the Jims have to persuade Dark to go to this camping location?</p><p> </p><p>Speaking of the Jims, they were currently singing extremely bad karaoke with Yan, using Bing as a Bluetooth speaker, and Google could feel their patience wearing thin. They had been at this for <em> hours </em>, ever since they left the house. Google was close to their breaking point.</p><p> </p><p>It was ten hours into the trip when Google got some relief, if only for five minutes. It seems that the trio in the back had fallen asleep. Thank God.</p><p> </p><p>Bing, however, was still wide awake.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey bro. Hey. Hey. Bro. Bro, hey. Bro—”</p><p> </p><p>“What could you possibly want, Bing?”</p><p> </p><p>Google took their eyes off of the road for a millisecond and saw Bing grinning at them.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi.”</p><p> </p><p>If Google had not been driving, he would have punched Bing so hard that his sunglasses would have flown out of the window. But, alas, he was in control of a moving vehicle, and Google couldn’t knock his sibling out cold.</p><p> </p><p>Google chose to not reply to Bing. They drove in silence for exactly five more minutes before Bing spoke again. “Dude, do you need me to take over?”</p><p> </p><p>Google looked at Bing again, and he actually looked concerned. They turned back to the road. “No.”</p><p> </p><p>Bing raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything else. It was dark out by the time Google’s phone buzzed. It must have been a group text, because Bing read the message out loud (that, or the little shit hacked into Google’s system again to read it).</p><p> </p><p>“Bim said that Dark wants us to meet up at the next gas station. It’s off of this exit—or not, nevermind. The next one is a little over three miles away.”</p><p> </p><p>Google, as he approached the gas station, was surprised to find that they were the first one to pull in, though their van had been the last to leave the house. Maybe they did have a lead foot.</p><p> </p><p>Bing hopped out of the van, stretching and moving over to Google’s side. Google reluctantly rolled down the window to see what they wanted.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s a pretty girl like you doing out here so~—hey, hey, wait, don’t—!”</p><p> </p><p>Google had rolled the window back up, and Bing’s shouting had been quieted. Google smirked and pretended to not hear them scream at him to unlock the doors again.</p><p> </p><p>A few minutes after that, one of the other vans pulled up beside them and almost ran Bing over. Wilford jumped out of the driver’s seat to talk to Google, and they frowned. Hadn’t Dark said something about “don’t let Wilford drive, ever”?</p><p> </p><p>“That was fun! Now for the next ten hours, right Googster?”</p><p> </p><p>Google narrowed his eyes at Wilford as he forced the van’s window to roll down. “Wilford. I thought you were banned from driving.”</p><p> </p><p>Wilford laughed. “Oh, please, like Darkie could drive in that state. Two hours in and I could already hear his joints cracking. He needed a long nap, anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>Google looked over inside the other van and saw Dark fast asleep in the passenger seat. Though Bing’s head was in the way, since he was still trying to get back in the van.</p><p> </p><p>Google turned back to Wilford. “Perhaps you should wake him up now. You have to be tired after driving that long.”</p><p> </p><p>Wilford raised an eyebrow and brought his voice down to a whisper. “...Aren’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>Just as soon as he asked that, Wilford hopped back over to Dark’s side of his van, using an air horn to wake him up. Unfortunately, this woke up everyone else in the vans, and Yan jumped up and bumped her head on CJ’s.</p><p> </p><p>Google sighed as they started talking again, and he unlocked the doors so Bing could get back inside. “Finally, dude, took you long enough. Does Wilford know where Doc is?”</p><p> </p><p>Google pulled up his monitor and looked for the doctor himself. All of the vans had trackers on them, something Dark insisted on Google making. The tracker for Dr. Iplier’s van was slowly moving toward their location. Dr. Iplier was ever the careful driver.</p><p> </p><p>“I did not ask him, but he should be here soon.” Google let their monitor fade away as they looked at Bing. He still looked concerned.</p><p> </p><p>“Googs, man, can you do me a favor?”</p><p> </p><p>Google raised an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“Could you, um… could you go get me some sunflower seeds?”</p><p> </p><p>Google sighed. “Bing, did you not buy them before the trip?”</p><p> </p><p>Bing was about to argue with him, but Yan spoke up. “Ooh, ooh, Google if you’re going in there can I go with you? I have to get something.”</p><p> </p><p>Bing gave Google a triumphant look, and he reluctantly slid out of the van and towards the gas station entrance. He and Yan got a few strange looks, both from their outfits and the fact that they were in there at around midnight, but they got what they needed and headed back to the van.</p><p> </p><p>Dr. Iplier was there now, and he had parked on the other side of where Google had parked. So they didn’t immediately see Bing in his seat, his hands on the wheel and the window down.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks for the seeds, dude! Now get in the car.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you threatening me?”</p><p> </p><p>Bing had his laser gun out, and he had pointed it at Google’s forehead. He made a “pew!” noise and a short burst of light mildly inconvenienced Google by bouncing off of his glasses. Bing was a terrible shot, even if his target was a few inches from his gun.</p><p> </p><p>“Bing, get back in the passenger seat.”</p><p> </p><p>Bing put his gun away and crossed his arms. “No way, bro. You’re low on charge, I can tell. Any minute now you’ll start speaking in French, dude. Just get over there and plug yourself in.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bing—”</p><p> </p><p>“The Host interrupts Googleplier and Bingiplier’s argument to announce that we are ready to leave again.”</p><p> </p><p>Google turned around and glared at Host and his stupid grin, but there wasn’t anything he could do as Bing started the car and honked the horn. He turned back to his van and mumbled as he got in the front passenger seat.</p><p> </p><p>“Where is the charger?”</p><p> </p><p>Bing beamed and handed him the portable charger. Google stuck it in the USB slot in their neck and cringed when Bing hit the curb. They closed their eyes and fought the urge to stab something. “If I enter sleep mode and wake up upside down in a ditch, I will dismantle you and spread your wires across the coast.”</p><p> </p><p>“Love you too, Googs.”</p><p> </p><p>Bing snickered but stopped when he ran over something in the road, and Google decided that maybe they wouldn’t enter sleep mode completely. They hated the people with them in the car, but not that much to let them die at the hands of Bing and his bad driving.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Bing is a bad driver. That's it that's the headcanon. Let's hope he doesn't actually crash before they reach the campsite.<br/>(Just realized that a full, cross country trip by car is roughly two days of driving 👁👄👁 Uh, oops? I guess I'll just have to skip the other car chapters kjdfkhf, it was a lot to write anyway)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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